is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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