You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
