Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
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He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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