She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
