Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
