if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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