Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
