In America we eat man semen.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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