my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
