So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
