Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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