Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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