So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
