you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So. Much. Porn.
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