He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
