Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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