she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
