Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
