oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
