Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
