TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
