Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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