This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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