My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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