mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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