Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
