There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
