Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
