was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
