I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
