he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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