i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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