its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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