i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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