god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize