Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
