god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize