It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She bit a glass in half.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
