so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
