My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she looked like the before picture.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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