I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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