I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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