he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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