i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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