You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
