Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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