2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
