You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
