I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
