You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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