You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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