I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
