I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Can vaginas get frostbite?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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