I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
