man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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