anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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