omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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