definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
