I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
