not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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