she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
