so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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