Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
