In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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