I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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