The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
