How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
