you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
