I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
