Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
