Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
