I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Two words: nipple clamps
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