he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
