Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
