I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
