i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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