I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
